Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Nicole vs. Life
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
