He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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