I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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