Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
