When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
