you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
