i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
