i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
