i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
