Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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