I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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