my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
