Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
