do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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