Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
