I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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