Are we in a gay sports bar?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
