defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
