dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Someone shit on the floor
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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