Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
