Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
