It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
im holly from the hills drunk
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
