This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
and she was petting her beer can
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
