you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
