I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
