oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
