Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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