You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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