i don't like sucking hair
I haven't been this sober since birth.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
