I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
