mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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