you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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