sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
