just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
