So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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