so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There's always time for handjobs
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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