was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize