i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize