He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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