Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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