he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
