Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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