im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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