I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I intend to get homeless drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
