I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
