I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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