y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
