u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
