That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
