Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize