i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
