she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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