I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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