Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't put those talents on a resume
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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