yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
