The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
