Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Sorry about my life...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
