did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
