PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
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