my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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