meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
