I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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