i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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